I’ve known Dudley Chancey long before he was a grandparent and long before he most likely ever thought about writing a book on grandparenting. Here is my take on Dudley: He is one of the finest humans on the planet! He is a friend, co-partner in work with youth and families. He is a leader, he impacts the impactors, a wonderful husband, dad and now grandpa. I have the deepest respect and admiration for him. So, when Dudley sent me the manuscript to this book to review, I absolutely looked forward to reading it and I wasn’t disappointed. Dudley’s ability to write a well-researched, motivational and yet practical book on grandparenting is the book you have in your hands.
The culture all around the world is bringing major mixed messages to our kids that often go against a Biblical worldview. The 67 million grandparents just here in the United States alone, can have a profound impact and influence on the lives of their grandkids. Those of us involved, as Dudley is, in this amazing “God movement”
in the church called “Family Ministry,” have had the privilege to observe an entire new movement of church and para church ministries emerge to come along grandparents. We’ve seen the church add grandparenting classes and groups. There are a lot more resources published to come alongside grandparents. Personally, I could stay busy ever week of the year just speaking about Doing Life with Your Adult Children, Finding Joy in the Empty Nest, along with the subject of Being a Grandparent May be Your Greatest Legacy.
Grandparents are leaning into their calling in greater ways than ever before. They are becoming more intentional about their legacy role while becoming more concerned about this ever-changing culture. _____(title of the book) will help grandparents and others leading grandparent ministries become more effective in their role. Research tells us that parents are the greatest spiritual influence in their children’s lives but right behind them are the grandparents. How many times have you heard someone mention that it was the loving and prayerful faith of a grandma who helped keep them grounded in their faith? As you begin to read this book, here are three principles that may help you be the grandparent you were called to be:
- Your greatest legacy just may be with your grandchildren. One woman said to me recently, “Now that I have grandchildren, this is my priority!” Grandparenting can be a love affair between generations. In years past, I used to hear grandparents talk with some excitement about moving away from family involvement. Now the talk is much more about leaning into their calling of being an intentional loving grandparent. Frankly, that sounds like a much better investment of our lives than watching old reruns of I Love Lucy or the Golf Channel. Personally, we are fortunate to have our grandkids nearby and my wife retired from teaching to be a “fully engaged grandma.” She now sees that as her calling and major part of her purpose in our empty nest years. Sure, there are times when our grandkids think we are the oldest people in the world and after a weekend of being with them, while their parents are away, we think they may be right!
- No matter how close or how far you are from your grandkids, you can be a praying grandparent. Make it a commitment to pray daily for your grandkids. This can be something personal and meaningful that you do that will make a difference. Tell your grandkids you are praying for them. I have made a habit for most of my adult life to keep a prayer journal. Every morning, I write out some of my prayers of adoration, confession, thanksgiving, and supplication. A few months ago, I showed my 3 ½ year old grandson, Huxley, his name in my prayer journal and I told him I prayed for him every day. Huxley at 3 can’t read and I’m sure he didn’t fully understand that his “Papa J” prays for him every day. The next time I saw him, he was sitting on my lap, and he said, “Show me my name.” I looked at him not fully understanding what he wanted. And then he picked up my journal and handed it to me. He would not have understood that my eyes immediately welled up with tears. Praying for your grandchildren is a tangibly eternal job for you.
- Be the “Party Time” Grandparents. Whenever you have a choice between giving your grandkids socks and underwear for Christmas or a fun toy, choose the fun toy every time. Grandparents don’t have to do all the heavy lifting or strong discipline; you get to choose to have serious fun. Don’t underestimate the power that play and fun has on family bonding. I wish you could have met my grandma, Nene. In my world she was a bigger than life influence. She was a character but always, always she was the “party time grandma.” I knew when Nene came over to our house, there would be a sugary treat. She would sit down and ask me about my life and usually would suggest a fun event. I would do anything for that woman, and I knew she loved me. Be that kind of a grandparent.
Yes, families can be messy. Maybe you are a long distant grandparent because they live far away. Or maybe your grandkids live with you. Sometimes families get upside down and there are estrangement issues or other major complications. However, there is nothing like a consistent, loving grandma or grandpa who can help stabilize and bring health and healing to their grandkids. Dudley is right you can create a legacy that will far out last your life with a God honoring loving relationship with your grandchildren.
Jim Burns, PhD.
Founder of HomeWord
Podcast: HomeWord with Jim Burns
Author of Doing Life with Your Adult Children: Keep Your Mouth Shut and the Welcome Mat Out
